My favorite tracks list !

My favorite tracks list :

1. Black Coast - TRNDSTTR (Lucian Remix)
2. Alessia Cara - Here (Lucian Remix)
3. Honey Cocaine - Can't Sit With Us 
4. Ellie Goulding - Army 
5. Eastside - Ellie (Don't x Loyal Cover)
6. Ain't No Us - Niykee Heaton 
7. Cold War- Niykee Heaton 
8. Demi Lovato - Wildfire 
9. Hailee Steinfeld - Rock Bottom 
10. Selena Gomez - Kill Em With Kindness 
11. Selena Gomez - Sober

Plastic surgery at 16 ?!

Sorry , I can't think of an intro right now I'm so damn mad ...


    Where the hell life is going ?! Why the hell would you do plastic surgery at 16 ?! Why?! There is a girl a YouTube, maybe you know who I'm talking about but honestly I don't care , this is my personal opinion so fuck you !!!
    First of all , she wears push up bras and she pulls her boobs up at her neck , she puts videos of her as on Instagram on the beach , she is so damn bored looking with a I'm a princess bitch face and she cries and she fels hurt if somebody tells her that she is a bitch but she is keep on doing everything i mentioned ?! And now at only 16 she has plastic surgery on her nose !!!!
     Like where this society is going ? Looking and acting like a whore is making you happy? Having a plastic surgery makes you happy ? Being happy is about accepting yourself and if you do plastic surgery do it at an older age because at 16 your body is developing and you don't know how much bad do you do for yourself but what ever she has the money and she is doing it ....I don't know at 16 I was a little dumb girl but now at 16 you act and dress like a whore and you are drunk and you post pics of your new shoes on Instagram and all that jazz ....
     I think Melanie Martinez was right :
 If you weren't born with it
You can buy a couple ornaments
Just be sure to read the warning, kids
Cause pretty soon you'll be bored of it
Sexual, hey girl if you wanna feel sexual
You can always call up a professional
They stick pins in you like a vegetable
Kids forever, kids forever
Baby soft skin turns into leather
Don't be dramatic it's only some plastic
No one will love you if you're unattractive
Oh Mrs. Potato Head tell me, is it true that pain is beauty?
Does a new face come with a warranty?
Will a pretty face make it better?
Oh Mr. Potato Head tell me
How did you afford her surgery?
Do you swear you'll stay forever
Even if her face don't stay together
f you want a little more confidence
Potatoes turn to french fries, yeah it's common sense
All you need's a couple more condiments
And a hundred thousand dollars for some compliments
It's such a waste
When little girls grow into their mothers face
But little girls are learning how to cut and paste
And pucker up their lips until they suffocate

What is beauty on SOCIAL MEDIA ?!

Hello !

      I din't posted for a very long time , but i know that nobody is missing me cuz i have no subscribers or readers but you know it is okay , at least I have a place where I can post about absolutely anything that crosses my mind .
      So that's why today I wanted to talk about a very touchy and on trend problem : What is beauty on Social Media ?!.We all know that social media makes a huge impact on peoples and that's why some people choose to die than to be them self so was I . I know it is very sad but is so damn true .   
      Every day we see these beauty ideas you have to be skinny you have to be beautiful you have to have the perfect smile , i few years ago i was dying to have braces but now i can appreciate myself the way I'm because life is short and there are way bigger problems than you not having a perfect smile at least i learned to love myself as much as I can but i still have those days and when I'm out in a club no matter how hard I try I can't have a guys attention and this is what makes me fell ugly and unwanted . Between my girlfriends I think I'm the not-so-beautiful-but-smart-and-open-eyed-girl and I kinda enjoy it because if guys go to you because you look hot than they are approaching you for your look not for who you are not for your inner values. 
      This is the problem that social media only shows the outside and wants to teaches us how to be more beautiful on the fucking OUTSIDE and they forget that BEAUTY FADES AND THE INNER BEAUTY REMAINS ...but who the hell cares no ? If you are beautiful everybody wants to be your BFF cuz she is pretty but some girls who are not so blessed on the outside are so damn blessed on the inside . 
      This is the problem , we can't see behind the things , the beauty is all around us there is beauty in everything. In the morning sun , in the sunset in every bug around you , in every flower that you smell , the beautiful buildings around you , in the falling leaves in everything ! See beauty without your eyes and you know its truly genuine.Beauty is not only seen by the eye it is also felt by the heart.
      And let me show you some examples , i posted this pic on Facebook and i got 66 likes ( not that much because i'm not that typical bitch queen ) I used one filter just to brighten the picture and this is my party makeup ! Yes , this is all i wear on a party or occasion. 

 And this picture is me whit no makeup on ( yeah looks the same ) and i posted it on my Instagram and i got 4 likes ;) This is a NoMakeupMonday picture . 

And don't forget : The most beautiful thing about a person isn’t looks, but heart and personality.To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to be accept yourself.Outer beauty is what the eyes can see, inner beauty can only be seen through the heart.

Kill ' em with kindness !

Hello there you little one !



     I spent this past weekend volunteering at the Castle Garden Festival not far from my hometown and after that i went to a party with my cousin and some of my friends and coming home from there at 5 in the morning we stopped at the MC Donald's and standing there in the pouring rain waiting my cousin to get her order i saw a homeless couple being there at the MC Donald's waiting to see if they can get something from somebody but being fair and not zippy .
The one thing I notice is that the old man was cleaning the tables and throwing away anything that the other people left on the tables and he was putting the trays back where they belong .
I was a little shocked , and i almost started to cry . I was so sad , like so fucking sad and i thought that they don't deserve it , they are such nice people they are cleaning the other peoples mess and putting back everything and not forcing someone to give them food or anything and they have to live a life like this ?! I mean i'm sure it is they fault to that they live a life like this but I was still sad .
You know i don't have a perfect life , if a i could cry i would cry every day because of whats going on in my life , in my family and seeing that some people are so mean and rude and they got such a wonderful life and kind people just don't !
This incident made me think about life and trying to be a better person and help others . This is why i choose to do volunteering , because i love to help the peoples waiting nothing in return just good memories !
So i dare you to try to be a better person every day because life is short and you should live it well !

You are not what you look like !

Hello !

      I was browsing my Facebook page and i was looking at my old posts and i found a very inspiring quote so i taught that i should share with you to encourage you to just Be You and Be Yourself and to stay true to Yourself because it is the best thing that you can do.
      This life is very short and it is just a waist of time to always be sad , trust me i know i do it all the time but founding these kind of post always make me think about my life and the way I'm looking at it !  

You are not what you look like !

You are not what you look like 
You are the music you listen to 
The shows you watch
The art you make
The flowers in your hair
Your favorite blanket .
You are not the pimple on your nose
You are not the pudge on your stomach 
You are not your things or your teeth 
You are the color of your hair
You are your favorite band 
You are the mismatch socks you wear
And your favorite sweater
You are what you love 
You are not what you look like 
Or the body your in 
You are all the things you like 
You are you ! 

Being a Late Bloomer !

Hey there lovely people of the Internet !

     Today the subject i wanna talk about is being a late bloomer !What is a late bloomer ? - A late bloomer is a person whose talents or capabilities are not visible to others until later than usual .
        I'm only 19 ( and when i think about turning 20 next year freaks the heck out of me , i'm getting old ) and i finished school this year and all my friend are going to university's or to work and I'm staying at home and doing nothing ! Is not that i don't want to do something is just, i can't explain, somehow things are not meant right now for me i didn't get to go to the university i wanted and i haven't have a plan B . So now I'm staying out one year from the university and i get so many questions and people make me feel bad that i didn't go to a university and discourage me nobody understands that I'm different I have an artist soul i can't do normal things like others I don't wanna be a doctor or i don't wanna work into an office i just want to do my thing to make art , to help people , to make them feel good and be free and I'm conscious that i live in a world of fantasies but it's okay for me ! 
     You know i think that being a late bloomer is the best thing that a person can be because every body wants thing to go right and fast , but doing something right and fast it's not that simple because you have to take time because the best things in life take time ! Being a late bloomer you do things slowly and you think about the things twice ! Is it worth it to rush into something or i should wait and see ! 
      I'm okay being a late bloomer and it's okay to be okay with that , we are not the same we are who we are and it's alright !  
       

Oh Mrs. Potato Head tell me, is it true that pain is beauty?

Hello there lovely people !

    Todays subject is about fitting in the society and the image what the society calls IDOL .
    Sadly society kills more people than any sickness ever did because it affects our life and our thinking in a way that it can barely reverse . I know it myself so that's why I wanted to talk about that . 
As you may know if you read my blog you can see that i use lyric from the songs that Melanie Martinez sings because i think that she is very sincere  with what she wants to transmit to the listeners .
      In one of her songs, Mrs.Potato Head , she sings about plastic surgery and that everybody thinks that you have to fit in and be perfect just to be accepted by others but this is a BIG LIE ! You don't have to be skinny to fit in , or you don't have to wear makeup to fit in and feel beautiful or make plastic surgery to feel beautiful you have to ACCEPT yourself to be beautiful and block out the negativity that society brings . We all see , and want to be , just as the Victoria Secret models , or we don't have to be skinny just to fit in the ONE SIZE FITS AL in Brandy Melville  , you don't have to do this things these are bullshit .
        You have to love yourself the way it is because you have one life , and if you wake up every day thinking about oh , what i should wear today , or i have to put makeup on because every girl my age do this , or that i have to look beautiful for this boy , you will have a horrible life and you will never enjoy being on this Earth because you will always feel less than others . So just be careful and stop for a minute and think about that : do i need to do this thing to be accepted ? hell no , i never was skinny but everyday wish i was but then why curvy girls looks better trust me , and i don't wear makeup because if someone likes me he will like me for who i am not for the makeup on myself or for my NYX or MAC makeup products !
         One thing you can do is to be yourself and step out from the line that society puts you in be unique BE YOU !  

 Beauty is nothing, beauty won’t stay. You don’t know how lucky you are to be ugly, because if people like you, you know it’s for something else.

Never Too Late

Hey there ! 

        Well some of you might know that i have issues with my mental heath , i have depression, and for 2 years in a row i'm on medication but i still have bad times,and times when i want to kill myself. Not because i'm unhappy just because i feel that i can't be loved i guess , and nobody loves me and even if i would do everything for a boy he would play with my heart just how it happened this Monday .                                                                                     I was at a party because i was volunteering for a week and at the end of the week we had a party and my boy, i mentioned him not long ago in a post, was there and i was like : you know what i'm going to tell him that i love him but surprising he came to me and he told me that he loves me but we can't be together and i said : well okey i i understand you and everything and stuff and then i kissed him and then he kissed me for a long time and then i leaved .             I was shattered my heart was in pieces and it's in pieces still , and i'm unhappy and i don't want to live only hope and faith in God keeps me going and the saddest thing is that today was the first day since months maybe years i cut myself and it felt so good and i want more and more and more .

I just don't know what to do ....

Pain, without love

Pain, can't get enough 

Pain, i like it rough 

Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all ...

Kids are still depressed when you dress them up !

Kids are still depressed when you dress them up 

And syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup......

Hello !

How are you doin ? How is your life? Are you okey ? Do you have problems ? - just chill , it's not a bad life is just a bad day . 

I'm getting ready to go out and i was watching some youtube videos , styling videos and one song came in to my mind Melanie Martinez - Sippy cup I'm so obsessed with her , she has an amazing voice and her lyrics is on point let me tell you .... So i was thinking : Oh what i should wear today and then i was like : Moms from the 90 ' still try to dress they kids up but why ? you should let your kid to express herself and wear the clothes she would want to wear ?! If she wears that it is not your kid or what ? It's her life let her to think about that , about it is okey to wear that or not maybe not today but maybe tomorrow she will realize that it didn't fits her  .

You wont be always there ,so if you keep dressing her/ him up she will become depressed its like you lock her / him up in her room because she loves something you don't . Maybe you think that what you say it's okey for her/him but let her/him realize that, let her/him grow up , let her/him be free 

Getting ,,bullied " because you have flaws ! (Perfect imperfections )

Hello my dears !

         Today i wanted to talk about a really serious subject , about getting bullied because you have flaws !
         Today i visited my grandmother who had her birthday ! God bless her ! and as usual the family was there , and we were talking and we were joking  and i said that one day i will be famous and my dear godmother said to me that : if you want to be famous you have to get your teeth fixed ! it was like she said that : you are ugly go kill yourself !!! What if i don't have straight beautiful pearly white teeth ? I;m less than anybody else ? I;m really not worth it ? and it wasn't the last thing .
        We were standing on the backyard and we were talking and my grandmother said to my cousin that she is so skinny and she is looking good and my dear godmother asked me that : is it true that you gained weight ? and is was like ohflsdhlfhsdlghlsdhgshgdhl wtf is wrong whit you !!! Nobody should ever tell  a girl that she is fat or she has flaws never !!!!
        I felt so bad because i'm trying so hard to lose weight just to be accepted just so everybody should shut the hell up !!! I don't know what is wrong with the people if you have flaws you are not good anymore you are worthless ...this is how i felt and this is how i still feel ! Why i deserve to hear such thing , why just can somebody look me in the eye and tell me that I'm beautiful just the way I'm !! Every body is beautiful every body is good enough !!!! every body is beautiful with her perfect imperfection !!!! Never let anybody tell you that you don't worth it never !!!!
      I don't know why but every time that i finally accept myself the way i am , when i start to love my flaws somebody comes and breaks me down ...it's like crawling in the dirt you get used to it but you can't was away the dirt if you fall down again and again !!!

My Mental Illness !

Hello babies !
I was listening to the new song of Melanie Martinez - Sippy Cup and i was touched by some of the lyrics where i found myself a lot ! : Pill diet, pill diet, if they give you a new pill then you will buy itIf they say to kill yourself, then you will try itAll the makeup in the world, won't make you less insecure  !!   .

I think that these words are very real ! I mean almost every girl is getting depressed because she thinks that she is not enough or that she is less than anybody else , but not only girls , boys as well . I 'm struggling from depression sadly , but i'm so much better , this mental illness changed my hole life for better and i tell you why !

I was struggling from depression from a very young age i think that maybe i was like 14-15 when i started to have bad days and i felt very sad for no reasons thank when i was like 16-17 things got worse and in 2013 around Christmas time i wanted to end all just as before , and yes i was self-harming myself for a long period of time and honestly i enjoyed . It was a way to relies myself it was a way to be free , and when things get worse i just wanted so badly to end all and i wast afraid of  doing it but luckily i had my mother who was there every single night and help me to get sleep , i don't wanted to wake up all i wanted was to DIE !

After Christmas and New Year passed i went to the doctor and i got medicine and i got better and better i felt hope again because before that i was hopeless like nothing can save me and i was praying every single night to get better !
But what changed my life it was when i almost died at my 18 birthday party ! I was drinking and i took the pills before that i was not careful enough because i didn't think that taking the pills and drinking can cause so much trouble . I started to feel weak , powerless and i run down the stairs and that's where all began . I started to shake and all i can said it was that there is something bad and i will die that's when my mom came to me she didn't know what to do and then suddenly i started to feel like i'm dying i collapse on the floor  my step father picked me up and put me on the bed and then it was like i breathe out my soul everything ended and i woke up like from a nightmare everything was fine again and that's when i understood what life means and how precious is and you have to live because you don't know how much time you have !!!
This is when i started living .... i still have times when i wanna kill myself , and times when i try but now i know that you have to live and be thankful for what you have because you have no idea when it might end !

Loving the wrong one ! Why ?

Ola !
I think most of you know .....i mean all of you must know how it is to love and miss someone but when that one person can't be yours it is even harder ! Well people are known about loving the wrong person and not being satisfied with the love off another than just that one person they have in their mind . I don't know why but people must love pain because i don't get it ...why are we so complicated i mean we always one the one that we can't have well i think i know why .

Back in the days when there was ADAM and EVA they where i think happy in paradise but then the evil come around and force them with tempter words to make them want the one thing they just can't have and Buum then all things turned around so thanks a lot mom and dad ....
I think there is the explanation of why we want the bad things for us and not being satisfied with the good that we gotten from God because he knows what it is good for us and the sad thing is that we know this but we still try and convince ourselves that the thing we want is THE GOOD FOR US .

This is why we always want the one that we can't have , and this is why we say that love isn't always fair we are not always FAIR because we push away the people that would wiling to die for us and we treat the like shit ...
So maybe next time we will be more open and we will consider the chances of givin one shout to the one who is most of the times in our friend zone :) !

Dealing with loss or not getting what you want !

Hello !
Today i wanna talk about a very tuchy subject for me because today i got the bad news that i didn't get in college ! I'm so so so sad i can't even tell , that college meant a lot to me and to know that i didn't get in is like world war 3 is about to start ! I know that i still havea  chance but i think that there i no second chance.

I still try to believe that God has a plan for me and the things will turn out better than ihave imagine but i'm disappointed in myself i feel like i could do it better but now what can you do!

I tell you what ! First of all you don't have to lose hope because hope is all you got.Second of all you have to try to find something else to do because always have to have a plan B and if you don't than you still have to make one ( i'm sure you will figure something out ) .
And lastly you have to trust God because i'm sure he didn't allowed that to happen because he has plans with you you just have to be patient and wait ! ( i'm not a patient person ).

What is the most important for me ?

Buenos dias amigos !

I was thinking about the next subject that a wanted to write about but i just had no idea , but in the end i come up with this : what is the most important for me ? Well i think it depends but i have to say is freedom . Freedom is a necessary thing for me i just can't live in a box i have to step out of the box every time . And the second most important thing for me is to see the world differently  not how it is but how i see it , like nature to see beyond the thing to feel the energy around me to feel the life in every little thing to connect myself with every little survivor every little bug , and when i touch the wrinkled skin of an old three to feel it to connect with it , or when i touch an old object or a house to try to reminiscence the past . I think this is the most important to me .

To see clearly you have to see beyond everything beyond every little thing and to feel with your heart and soul not just with your eyes ears lips and skin , cuz everything that matters is beyond the thing is beyond everything and that what makes life beautiful and that what makes YOU beautiful so try to see the SOUL not the APPEARANCE and try to feel not see !

Always find a way to smile and live life to the fullest !

Change is good !

Hello !

Well today i want to share my thought to you about change ! Today i colored my hair to red from having it brownish blonde for a very long time , i decided to take a risk and do it and i di it and i don't regret it ! I feel that it represent the new chapter in my life , the chapter of freedom ! My hole life i wanted to be free but i just couldn't do it , i was so scared of others and of their opinion and i'm still scared but i feel that now i can break free and just be myself because i have to be myself life is about being you , doing what you want .

 So after a long time now i feel that it doesn't matter what others say and others think about you the only thing that it matters is what you think about yourself , so be kind and loving and love your curves and all your edges , all your perfect imperfections you know why ? because you have no time , what if you die tomorrow ? you waste so much time thinking so just stop stop and enjoy life and you know why ? - i tell you why because life is short , you have to find the good in bad and take everything not so seriously enjoy every little sunset , every little walk , every little party , every little time that you can spend with your loved ones because that's what really matters !

...If today was your last dayAnd tomorrow was too lateCould you say goodbye to yesterday?Would you live each moment like your last?Leave old pictures in the pastDonate every dime you have?Would you call old friends you never see?Reminisce old memoriesWould you forgive your enemies?Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?Swear up and down to God aboveThat you finally fall in loveIf today was your last day...

 -Nickelback - If today was your last day 

Age difference !

Hello again, here we go !Anonymous as always ! Today i wanna share my thoughts about age difference because i experienced it (a lot ) . So , people say that age difference is very important i say that this is a bullshit ! What if you' re in love with somebody who is , let's say , younger than you , because i experience that a lot as i said early ! I don't get it for me it's not so important ! I had relationships with people who were younger than me and what if i had ? is that such a bad thing ? Who said that love has conditions because people they need to love each other unconditionally and if they can't than you should not start a relationship ! 

If you are busy thinking about what others say than you should leave , and let others live they life , if you can't accept them the way they are . Age is just numbers numbers that's all so why it is so important ? 

For me , at least , it's not if i love somebody i love him/ her because who she / he is , not for the numbers ! Think about it, is it worth to leave somebody just because they are not your age , i think not ! 

 

What if i'm carzy ,all the best people are ....

Hello !
My name is unknown , why ? -are you asking , just ! - i'm saying . It's not like i'm hiding but this is not about my name or my gender , it's about me as a person and the way i'm feeling and i'm thinking , this is just a place for me to express myself as somebody and to be completely honest about everything . So ... you are not going to have information about me you are going to have my words and my thoughts and that's all why?- just ! ! :)
Expressing yourself is not about who you are is more about what you see and how it is makes you feel , what kind of feelings do you get , and how are you going to interpret them !

This is my place , this is my world , my work of art don't judge me , accept me as i am or leave because it's not about what you do it is about how you make others feel ! :)