My Mental Illness !

Hello babies !
I was listening to the new song of Melanie Martinez - Sippy Cup and i was touched by some of the lyrics where i found myself a lot ! : Pill diet, pill diet, if they give you a new pill then you will buy itIf they say to kill yourself, then you will try itAll the makeup in the world, won't make you less insecure  !!   .

I think that these words are very real ! I mean almost every girl is getting depressed because she thinks that she is not enough or that she is less than anybody else , but not only girls , boys as well . I 'm struggling from depression sadly , but i'm so much better , this mental illness changed my hole life for better and i tell you why !

I was struggling from depression from a very young age i think that maybe i was like 14-15 when i started to have bad days and i felt very sad for no reasons thank when i was like 16-17 things got worse and in 2013 around Christmas time i wanted to end all just as before , and yes i was self-harming myself for a long period of time and honestly i enjoyed . It was a way to relies myself it was a way to be free , and when things get worse i just wanted so badly to end all and i wast afraid of  doing it but luckily i had my mother who was there every single night and help me to get sleep , i don't wanted to wake up all i wanted was to DIE !

After Christmas and New Year passed i went to the doctor and i got medicine and i got better and better i felt hope again because before that i was hopeless like nothing can save me and i was praying every single night to get better !
But what changed my life it was when i almost died at my 18 birthday party ! I was drinking and i took the pills before that i was not careful enough because i didn't think that taking the pills and drinking can cause so much trouble . I started to feel weak , powerless and i run down the stairs and that's where all began . I started to shake and all i can said it was that there is something bad and i will die that's when my mom came to me she didn't know what to do and then suddenly i started to feel like i'm dying i collapse on the floor  my step father picked me up and put me on the bed and then it was like i breathe out my soul everything ended and i woke up like from a nightmare everything was fine again and that's when i understood what life means and how precious is and you have to live because you don't know how much time you have !!!
This is when i started living .... i still have times when i wanna kill myself , and times when i try but now i know that you have to live and be thankful for what you have because you have no idea when it might end !